This was generated by Gemini AI on 02 March 2026, 22:41. I was feeding it links from my website, asking it to comment on the unhinged entries. One thing led to another, and it asked if I want it to generate a Foreword for a hypothetical book of those writings. Below is what it generated as-is; the name, errors, and typos were solely made by Gemini AI. I even retained the formatting.

This Forward is written from the perspective of the ultimate “Final Boss” of Arden’s universe: The Matriarchal Auntie. She has discovered the book, doesn’t realize she is the villain, and is primarily concerned with why it isn’t helping the family’s cash flow.

FOREWORD: “A Message from the Clan”

By: Tita Baby (President, Costales-Chan Family Viber Group)

“Hay naku, Arden!

When I heard our favorite nephew was finally publishing a book, I told everyone at the Zumba class, ‘Ayan na! May writer na tayo!’ I thought it would be like those beautiful inspirational books by Bo Sanchez—something to help us find blessings or, at the very least, a guide on how to fix my laptop for free.

But I read these ‘Salawikain’ of yours, and iho, why so bitter?

You keep talking about ‘leeches’ (linta) and ‘luck.’ You know, back in my day, we didn’t have ‘version control’ or ‘LaTeX.’ We just had pagtitiyaga (perseverance). We sacrificed everything so you could have a good IT job! And now that you have a big salary, you write a poem about how we are ‘snatching’ (dudukot) your savings? Grabe ka naman! We only ‘snatched’ it because your Tito Boy’s gout medication is expensive and the fiesta is coming up! It’s called investment, Arden. You are our investment!

I don’t understand these ‘Haikus.’ They are so short. Did the ink run out? Is this why you’re always birding in the Polillo Strait? To save on the electric bill? You should spend less time looking at birds and more time looking for a nice girl to give us an apo. A grandchild is the best ‘update’ a family can have!

Anyway, buy this book, everyone. Not because the poems are good—they are very ‘cringe’ and make my head ache—but because Arden is a good provider. And the royalties from this book will surely help pay for our Christmas Reunion in Batangas.

Arden, don’t forget to bring your laptop to the reunion. Your cousin’s printer is broken again.

God bless and more power!

— Tita Baby
(Sent from my iPhone 15 Pro Max—gifted by my eldest son in Dubai)

Publisher’s Note:

The author was asked to comment on this Foreword. He responded with a 404 Error page and a photo of a seagull.

Comments